Some of the nicest and some of the meanest people that I have ever met have been those who claim to be Christians. Have you ever noticed that some people have a heavenly smile, while others look like they’ve been sucking on lemons? For some, the sour looks are a way of life, for others, they are the result of disagreements gone awry.
Have you ever disagreed with anyone? People have disagreements at home, at work and even at church. There is no problem with disagreeing; in fact, disagreements have the potential to expand the horizons of open minded people. The problems lie not in the disagreements themselves, but in the way that people respond to them.
Have you ever watched children on a playground? What happens when one doesn’t get his way? He becomes angry, he takes his ball and he goes home. Sadly, the same behavior is exhibited among some adults within the Christian community. They become angry when the carpet is not their favorite color, the choir doesn’t sing their favorite song, the preacher doesn’t support their viewpoint or a visitor sits in their favorite pew. They reenact the playground scenario--they get angry, but instead of picking up their ball, they pickup their Bible; instead of going home, they go to another church; and instead of dividing friends on the playground, they divide the family of God.
Disagreements can be good and even healthy; but becoming disagreeable cannot. Most churches do not lose members due to their biblical positions, but many lose them due to their harsh dispositions. Disagreements are a part of life and always will be, so let’s examine how to “agree to disagree agreeably."
In my observation, there are two common elements to any disagreement - an issue and opposing viewpoints. It is very possible that both viewpoints may be correct. If one person describes the interior of a house and another describes the exterior, they are both right in their descriptions of the house; but from different viewpoints. Viewpoints vary in accident reports, at sporting events, at smorgasbords and among auto enthusiasts. We don’t break friendships over a referee’s call, items on a buffet line or whether we drive a Ford or Chevy; so why do we break fellowship over things that are even less significant in a church?
It is imperative that we learn to disagree without becoming malicious and degrading. Ephesians 4:29 tells us that our words should edify others and “minister GRACE to the hearers,” lest they grieve the Holy Spirit of God. God desires us to be tenderhearted and forgiving toward one another as we remember the eternal debt that He forgave us.
The Bible records disagreements between godly leaders and how they responded. Two of the most familiar stories are Abraham vs. Lot (Gen. 13) and Paul vs. Barnabas (Acts 15). The characters in both stories eventually separated; but even after their separation, they exhibited grace toward one another. There is no record of unkind words being exchanged, no effort to defame their character and no attempt to lead a coup against them. The Bible indicates that they “agreed to disagree agreeably.”
Since disagreements are inevitable, there are several things to remember when caught in the middle of one: 1) Leave room for opposing viewpoints; 2) Don’t assassinate a person’s character; and 3) If you don’t get your way – get over it! We would never allow a child to attack his siblings because he didn’t get his way, neither can we allow “brothers and sisters” in Christ to tear apart the family of God. A mark of true spiritual maturity is the ability to “agree to disagree agreeably!
Have you ever disagreed with anyone? People have disagreements at home, at work and even at church. There is no problem with disagreeing; in fact, disagreements have the potential to expand the horizons of open minded people. The problems lie not in the disagreements themselves, but in the way that people respond to them.
Have you ever watched children on a playground? What happens when one doesn’t get his way? He becomes angry, he takes his ball and he goes home. Sadly, the same behavior is exhibited among some adults within the Christian community. They become angry when the carpet is not their favorite color, the choir doesn’t sing their favorite song, the preacher doesn’t support their viewpoint or a visitor sits in their favorite pew. They reenact the playground scenario--they get angry, but instead of picking up their ball, they pickup their Bible; instead of going home, they go to another church; and instead of dividing friends on the playground, they divide the family of God.
Disagreements can be good and even healthy; but becoming disagreeable cannot. Most churches do not lose members due to their biblical positions, but many lose them due to their harsh dispositions. Disagreements are a part of life and always will be, so let’s examine how to “agree to disagree agreeably."
In my observation, there are two common elements to any disagreement - an issue and opposing viewpoints. It is very possible that both viewpoints may be correct. If one person describes the interior of a house and another describes the exterior, they are both right in their descriptions of the house; but from different viewpoints. Viewpoints vary in accident reports, at sporting events, at smorgasbords and among auto enthusiasts. We don’t break friendships over a referee’s call, items on a buffet line or whether we drive a Ford or Chevy; so why do we break fellowship over things that are even less significant in a church?
It is imperative that we learn to disagree without becoming malicious and degrading. Ephesians 4:29 tells us that our words should edify others and “minister GRACE to the hearers,” lest they grieve the Holy Spirit of God. God desires us to be tenderhearted and forgiving toward one another as we remember the eternal debt that He forgave us.
The Bible records disagreements between godly leaders and how they responded. Two of the most familiar stories are Abraham vs. Lot (Gen. 13) and Paul vs. Barnabas (Acts 15). The characters in both stories eventually separated; but even after their separation, they exhibited grace toward one another. There is no record of unkind words being exchanged, no effort to defame their character and no attempt to lead a coup against them. The Bible indicates that they “agreed to disagree agreeably.”
Since disagreements are inevitable, there are several things to remember when caught in the middle of one: 1) Leave room for opposing viewpoints; 2) Don’t assassinate a person’s character; and 3) If you don’t get your way – get over it! We would never allow a child to attack his siblings because he didn’t get his way, neither can we allow “brothers and sisters” in Christ to tear apart the family of God. A mark of true spiritual maturity is the ability to “agree to disagree agreeably!
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