Funeral Etiquette

In my profession, I have to attend many funerals. Over the past several months, I’ve observed a disturbing trend and have discussed it with funeral directors who are noticing the same issue. The trend is shifting toward a lack of respect shown toward the family of the deceased. I’m assuming that people either do not know or are blatantly ignoring basic funeral etiquette. With that in mind, I want to list several points that might be helpful for those desiring to honor the memory of the deceased and respectfully offer comfort to the family.

At the visitation:

• While the family appreciates those coming to express their condolences, it is an emotionally draining and physically exhausting event. A simple way to help the family, and respect the other guests in line is to keep your comments brief, and to keep the line moving.


• Attire at the visitation has relaxed, but not to the point of casual. It is no longer required to wear black, or a suit. Modesty and respect are the two key words, and you can never go wrong by overdressing


• Speak to everyone in the receiving line and introduce yourself to those you do not know. Simple, brief expressions of sympathy are usually best. Use kind words, share fond memories, listen, and sometimes you won’t need to say anything.

During the service:

• Arrive early - The joke about being late to your own funeral really isn’t funny.


• Turn off your cell phone. (And no texting.


• Don’t talk during the service.


• Stand as the family enters and exits.


• Pastors: be biblical, be personal, and be brief.
  Nothing grates me more than hearing a pastor imply that all good people go to heaven, or watching a “pastor” read from a Minister’s Funeral Manual and/or prayer book. Make the service personal and realize that people came to pay their respects -- they did not come to hear you preach your finest (and longest) sermon.

At the graveside:

• Joining in the funeral procession is simply a point of respect. Sadly, some feel they have to beat everyone to the cemetery. If you arrive at the cemetery before the procession, please park away from the tents and away from where those in the procession will be parking.


• Wait away from the tent, until the family is all seated and the funeral director invites the guests to move in closer. Sadly, I was at one funeral where some family members ended up standing further away than the guests.


• It is perfectly proper for elderly guests or those with health issues to sit in any of the extra family chairs that are vacant after all of the family has been seated. It is not proper for anyone to sit in the family chairs before all of the family is seated.


• I am a patriot at heart and have a great respect for those who have served our country. Many people do not realize that each fold of the flag has a specific meaning. Talking during the military tribute is rude, and soldiers not knowing how to fold a flag is inexcusable. I’ve observed both recently.


• There is a specific order for guests to follow in greeting the family at the close of the graveside service. After the closing prayer, the minister will walk across and speak to each family member. Whichever direction the minister goes, the guests should follow. Following this pattern is easier for the family, than guests pushing in from both directions and/or every angle.

Overall, the rule of thumb is that the funeral service is to pay tribute to the life of the deceased, and to offer comfort to the family. Any action that shifts the focus away from what is best for the family and refocuses it onto the guests is both rude and inappropriate.

Easter Weekend 2011

I can still remember sitting in Shoney's, in November 2002, with the Interim Pastor of Emmanuel as I prepared to serve as the incoming Senior Pastor of EBC. In our discussion, I told him that I could envision a church running 1,000 in Hartsville. He laughed, our population has continued to decline, and now there are 142 churches in a city of less than 8,000. BUT, it happened... EBC had 1,090 people attend our Easter weekend services... 14% of the population! I know it was Easter weekend, but a dream still came true!

This weekend, we offered two services. Our choir and drama departments presented a moving production, the Gospel message was clearly preached, nearly 200 first-time guests were present, our people prayed, God showed up and He drew people unto Himself. 17 people chose to start a relationship with Jesus as their Savior and Lord, others recommitted their lives to Christ, and others inquired about how to become part of our church family! It was amazing!

Another victory was also won. On Easter Sunday, a very special lady played the piano for the first time in two years, since her husband passed away. That lady, was Jayne Lindsey. Her husband, the late Dell Lindsey, was my friend and mentor in ministry. He was like a second father and he was the one who prayed with me the day I was saved. He showed me how to lead a person to Christ, he took me on visitation, opened his home to me, and invested his life in mine. Jayne is also the mother of Cynthia Colson, the wife of our worship pastor. She had not played the piano for anyone other than her late husband; but on Easter 2011, she played for two men who were products of her husband's ministry. I can't even begin to tell you how special that was for me. Thank you Mrs. L.

Easter is past, and the decorations are put away; but the souls of 17 people (maybe more) will live on for eternity with our Lord. It doesn't get any better than that. Thanks to everyone who had any part in the events of Easter weekend at EBC. I pray that our big vision for our small town has been increased by what we saw God do last weekend.

EGGstravaganza 4.23.11

This year Emmanuel hosted our 8th annual EGGstravaganza for our community. The event was scheduled for April 16, but due to weather warnings it was postponed by one week. We were reminded not to postpone anything in "speculation" of what "might" happen, but folks still came out the following week. Over 600 attended the EGGstravaganza and won a variety of prizes including, an XBox360 with Kinect. The children were divided into various age groups and all were fun to watch, but the highlight was the parent egg hunt! This is now an annual tradition and the highlight of the day.

Thanks to all of our church family who contributed candy, filled bags, donated prizes, setup tents, and volunteered time in preparation for this event. Thanks to those who setup tables & chairs, registered guests, gave directions, hid eggs, manned the prize rooms, presented the gospel, helped cleanup, and SO MUCH MORE!

It's exciting to see so many church members involved in serving and ministering to our community! What better time that Easter to reach people with the message of the Gospel!

Sunday Summary 4.10 - The Crucifixion

Yesterday, I preached on the sufferings of Christ. Sadly too many know the "story," but either forget or minimize the suffering that Christ endured for us!

• He suffered in the Garden and sweat drops of blood, a medical condition called hematidrosis that can occur under the great emotional stress.


• He suffered at multiple trials that involved false accusation, mocking, physical assaults, and which violated Jewish law in at least 50 points.


• He suffered at His scourging as the Roman soldiers flogged His back, legs, and buttocks with a whip made of braided leather thongs having small iron balls and/or sharp pieces of sheep bone attached; which would tear the flesh, muscle, and skeletal tissue leaving gaping wounds and ribbons of bleeding flesh.


• He suffered on the road to the cross as He struggled beneath the weight, was mocked as a criminal, and onlookers would run into the street and pound Him on the face and back.


• He suffered on the cross as He willingly endured the nails and the painful process of crucifixion.

Why was such suffering necessary? Because a debt had to be paid for our sin. The innocent blood had to be shed for the guilty -- for you and me -- in order to pay our sin debt, to purchase our redemption, and to fulfill the Father's plan. Without the shedding of blood, there is no remission -- forgiveness of sin. Christ paid the price... the debt is paid in full... so how will you respond?

• As Judas who chose money and personal ambition over the Savior?


• As the thief who mocked and denied Him?


• As the thief who saw Jesus as the Savior and gladly received Him?

Sunday Summary 4.3

Another big Sunday at EBC. I continued preaching the series "Back to Basics." So far, we've covered topics such as where we got the Bible, what is salvation, how to handle temptation, how to know God's will, defining biblical faith, etc. This past Sunday, I preached on being filled with the Holy Spirit. Sadly, too many believers are afraid to discuss the subject of the Holy Spirit. A lack of knowledge and understanding of the Holy Spirit has caused denominational division, misapplication of "gifts," confusion in the body of Christ, and lines drawn in the sand between believers. Well meaning people have some strange ideas that are extremely unbiblical regarding this topic. I attempted to educate our folks with Scripture, rather than personal ideas or denominational teaching. In our evening service, I began a series leading up to Easter. We discussed and we talked about the adornment of Jesus Christ by the woman who broke the alabaster box of precious ointment and poured it on Jesus. She gave a great sacrifice to the One she counted worthy of her worship, praise, and adoration. We tied it in with unrestrained worship and our heartfelt response to the One who purchased our salvation. In the past two weeks, we've seen two children make public professions of salvation, a teenager choose salvation and follow in baptism, and another adult to join our church family. God continues to bless and we continue to give Him praise for what He is doing!